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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
20 Likes
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
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We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
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The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
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All diseases run into one, old age.
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
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A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
Sam Ewing
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