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My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013, which I should have done in 2012, because I promised them in 2011 and planned them in 2010.
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I hope one of your New Year's resolutions is to stop tagging me in New Year's photos.
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I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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For my new year's resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
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Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.
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My excuses for already failing my New Year's resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
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Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2014.
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Lets attend an opulent New Year's Eve party so we can briefly ignore the horror of our impending poverty.
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Seeing the irresponsibly dangerous stunts in the Spider-Man musical has prepared me for your New Year's behavior.
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I hope the world ends in 2012 so I can't be held accountable for my New Year's resolutions.
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Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year's resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
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Sorry you're finally mature enough to just want a quiet evening with friends on New Year's Eve.
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