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You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance -- fake
I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.
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