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I once sneezed a beenie weenie through my nose. I also made a horse faint in Costa Rica.
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Im 25% mom 25% comedian 62% boobs 48% mathematician and 100% woman-monkey.
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You know the burnt-out college student in front of you in line at Target who was intermittently chuckling to herself? Nice to meet you, too.
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A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.
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Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless.
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Nice guys finish lunch.
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Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football.
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Im going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One; Dont reveal everything.
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99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% I'm usually asleep.
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Born at a very young age.
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Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
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Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.
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When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
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Let me bi... at you every day until you sort your sh.. out.
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