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David Letterman Quotes & Sayings
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63 entries tagged including 17 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
David Letterman Topics
Intelligence
Books
Time
Advice
Babies
America And Americans
Speech
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New York
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QUOTES
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman
1 Likes
Speech quotes
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
David Letterman
0 Likes
America And Americans quotes
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
David Letterman
13 Likes
Babies quotes
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
David Letterman
1 Likes
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
David Letterman
5 Likes
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We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
David Letterman
3 Likes
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
David Letterman
2 Likes
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
1 Likes
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman
0 Likes
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
David Letterman
0 Likes
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
David Letterman
0 Likes
There is no off position on the genius switch.
David Letterman
0 Likes
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
David Letterman
1 Likes
The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.
David Letterman
5 Likes
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
David Letterman
2 Likes
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
David Letterman
1 Likes
President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.
David Letterman
0 Likes
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
David Letterman
0 Likes
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
David Letterman
0 Likes
No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.
David Letterman
0 Likes
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