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Rita Rudner Quotes & Sayings
57 entries tagged including 28 subtopics.
Last updated Jun 2020
Rita Rudner Topics
Anniversary For Boyfriend
America And Americans
Men And Women
Happy Married Life
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes ? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didnt know what to do! Id knock on peoples doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you."
Love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Break Up quotes
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Anniversary For Boyfriend quotes
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
America And Americans quotes
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before
Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
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