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Funny Status About Big Eyes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Status About Big Eyes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."
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1197 Likes
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CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
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305 Likes
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If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please.
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121 Likes
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I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me.....Wait.....
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573 Likes
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Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they're enjoying it...
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1081 Likes
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I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage.
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479 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
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471 Likes
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That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off.
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436 Likes
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Mitt Romney should change his first name to Fetch, because he's never going to happen.
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113 Likes
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
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558 Likes
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Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.
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27 Likes
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Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about...
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576 Likes
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If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.
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839 Likes
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Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop being so homophobic.
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662 Likes
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I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
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586 Likes
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Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?
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260 Likes
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I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and find out it was made in China...
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364 Likes
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Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! fu.. Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!
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706 Likes
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That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon.
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264 Likes
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My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time.
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181 Likes
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