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Jack Handy Birtty Weather Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jack Handy Birtty Weather" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Funny quotes
Angels quotes
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The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Drink quotes
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
Jack Handy
7 Likes
Books quotes
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Women quotes
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Jack Handy
8 Likes
Ambition quotes
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I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Money quotes
You can't get mad at weather because weather's not about you. Apply that lesson to most other aspects of life.
Doug Coupland
2 Likes
Sorry this weather is requiring you to powder your balls in real time.
Unknown
28 Likes
Funny quotes
Weather quotes
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.
Anthony J D'Angelo
22 Likes
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
Unknown
148 Likes
Funny quotes
Winter quotes
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All hail Weezy, call it bad weather.
Lil Wayne
20 Likes
Weather quotes
Your nipples are my favorite winter weather report.
Unknown
21 Likes
Cold Weather quotes
Weather is uncontrollable. Only the Lord above can control the weather. Whatever we get, we have to work with.
Maurice Greene
0 Likes
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
145 Likes
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There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
John Ruskin
4 Likes
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Wearing a hoodie and shorts because youre confused about the weather.
Unknown
125 Likes
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Just wanted to warn you that tomorrow may set records for people talking about the weather.
Unknown
28 Likes
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Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it
Mark Twain
64 Likes
Weather quotes
Cuddle season is over. It's 'Get the hell away from me, it's hot as f*ck.' weather now...
Unknown
226 Likes
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Come on out. Oh, the weather outside is weather...-Surfing Instructor
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
3 Likes
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