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Jon Stewart Quotes & Sayings
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62 entries tagged including 33 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Jon Stewart Topics
Friends
Network Television
Utopia
Idealism
Valentines Day
People
Funny
Journalism
Social Change
Jokes
War
News
Humor
John Kerry
The First Amendment
Free Speech
Movies
Frontline
The Daily Show
Terror Alert
Show more
Global Crossing
Fraud
Republican
Politics
Dick Cheney
History
Bombs
Homosexuality
Army
Insomnia
Canada
Funny Gay
QUOTES
I don't know why people think that somehow the First Amendment applies to network television. It doesn't. It's like the way free speech doesn't apply at work. You can't just walk into your boss' office and say 'you're a fu..face and I'm gonna go back to work now.' No, you're not.
Jon Stewart
139 Likes
Free Speech quotes
Network Television quotes
The First Amendment quotes
Sponsored Links
We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.
Jon Stewart
1 Likes
Journalism quotes
News quotes
The Daily Show quotes
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
Jon Stewart
59 Likes
Jokes quotes
Social Change quotes
The Daily Show quotes
GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who as we all know before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis.
Jon Stewart
11 Likes
John Kerry quotes
George W Bush quotes
But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.
Jon Stewart
23 Likes
Humor quotes
War quotes
News quotes
The Daily Show quotes
Sponsored Links
Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.
Jon Stewart
26 Likes
Humor quotes
Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'
Jon Stewart
0 Likes
History quotes
Bombs quotes
Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"
Jon Stewart
41 Likes
Army quotes
Homosexuality quotes
Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.
Jon Stewart
4 Likes
Fraud quotes
Terror Alert quotes
Enron quotes
Global Crossing quotes
GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who as we all know before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis.
Jon Stewart
11 Likes
John Kerry quotes
George W Bush quotes
Sponsored Links
Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.
Jon Stewart
10 Likes
Fraud quotes
Terror Alert quotes
Enron quotes
Global Crossing quotes
I don't know why people think that somehow the First Amendment applies to network television. It doesn't. It's like the way free speech doesn't apply at work. You can't just walk into your boss' office and say 'you're a fu..face and I'm gonna go back to work now.' No, you're not.
Jon Stewart
199 Likes
Free Speech quotes
Network Television quotes
The First Amendment quotes
We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.
Jon Stewart
3 Likes
Frontline quotes
The Daily Show quotes
60 Minutes quotes
Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.
Jon Stewart
10 Likes
Fraud quotes
Terror Alert quotes
Enron quotes
Global Crossing quotes
Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about Dick Cheney, and the reason that maybe they keep him only in loyalty oath audiences, is if he becomes angry, I do believe he turns into the Hulk. And so, they try and keep people from questioning him, because he'll just -- the shirt rips, and suddenly he has hair. So he's been my favorite, because he just goes out there to a room full of supporters and says, 'You know we're all going to die, right?' You're going to die unless I'm in charge.'
Jon Stewart
10 Likes
Politics quotes
Dick Cheney quotes
Republican quotes
Sponsored Links
Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'
Jon Stewart
0 Likes
Bombs quotes
History quotes
Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"
Jon Stewart
32 Likes
Army quotes
Homosexuality quotes
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
Jon Stewart
0 Likes
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
Jon Stewart
1 Likes
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.
Jon Stewart
2 Likes
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