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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
All I Want Is You
Dirty Pick Up Lines
I Dont Give A Fuck
I Love You
Keeping It Real
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