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Chealsea Handler Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Chealsea Handler" sorted by relevance. 53 matching entries found.
Related Topics
Funny
Drinking
Gay
Love
QUOTES
The show is a behind-the-scenes look at what happens at our office when the cameras are off...A perfect platform for people who have no business being on camera.
Chelsea Handler
10 Likes
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Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.
Chelsea Handler
12 Likes
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. Its the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Chelsea Handler
24 Likes
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
Chelsea Handler
15 Likes
Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own.
Chelsea Handler
5 Likes
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He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
Chelsea Handler
7 Likes
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
Chelsea Handler
31 Likes
You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having s.., which is definitely not the case.
Chelsea Handler
3 Likes
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
14 Likes
If you really want to diminish a candidate, depict him as the foil of his handler. This is as old in American politics as politics itself.
Karl Rove
0 Likes
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My father has a high opinion of his opinion.
Chelsea Handler
7 Likes
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.
Chelsea Handler
20 Likes
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
25 Likes
I have a BB gun and a water gun in case things get hectic. I wouldnt put it past Kanye to run up on stage and interrupt me, but good luck with that.
Chelsea Handler
17 Likes
Through their play Barbara imagined their lives as adults. They used the dolls to reflect the adult world around them. They would sit and carry on conversations, making the dolls real people.
Ruth Handler
7 Likes
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
Chelsea Handler
6 Likes
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around.
Chelsea Handler
16 Likes
Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and g....fruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that g....fruit was a great detoxifier and I decided I wanted to start cleaning out my liver WHILE I was having a cocktail.
Chelsea Handler
10 Likes
Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?
Chelsea Handler
17 Likes
Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. "Fun for who?" I wanted to ask. I had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.
Chelsea Handler
21 Likes
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