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I decided to burn some calories so I set a fat kid on fire.
Unknown
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As I was filling up my gas tank I realized I didn't want to eat this week anyways.
Unknown
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I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.
Jon Lajoie
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The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
Nikhil Saluja
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I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.
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You wanna cry? Try using a tissue, it works much better than your Facebook status.
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Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady.
Unknown
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Its amazing how many times Ive signed on to Facebook chat & have instantly signed off upon noticing someone online.
Unknown
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The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attentionÃ. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.
Rachel Naomi Remen
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For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.
Unknown
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At least my job description doesn't involve repairing the economy or being the new head football coach at Penn State.
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Most people don't realize this, But you can actually go to the gym without telling Facebook about it.
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Somebody needs to start a restaurant called, 'Chick-Fil-Atheist' that's only open on Sunday.
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I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym...Now this whole work-out was a waste of time.
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There's no crying in Twitter, that's why you have a Facebook account.
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"All you do is sit on Facebook all day" Lies. I sit on the chair.
Unknown
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Facebook is full of them ghetto trashy girls and newborn babies...
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I was going to post a status, but then I remembered I have family on Facebook...
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You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job.
Unknown
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Relationships today will end over a 'Like' on Facebook.
Unknown
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