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Funny Santa Clause Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Santa Clause" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Unknown
137 Likes
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Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Dennis Miller
32 Likes
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I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep; She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus Underneath his beard so snowy white; Oh, what a laugh it would have been. If daddy had only seen. mommy kissing Santa Claus, last night.
Unknown
10 Likes
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I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
Unknown
143 Likes
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When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
Hussein Nishah
270 Likes
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Only visit people once a year.
Victor Borge
10 Likes
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ni..., I'm Santa Claus; where the fu.. the milk and cookies?
Santa Claus
49 Likes
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Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also...
Unknown
59 Likes
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You know you''re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul
16 Likes
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More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.
Unknown
52 Likes
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More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.
Unknown
66 Likes
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When a telemarketer calls, give the phone to the nearest child and tell them it's Santa on the phone!
Unknown
48 Likes
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Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa.
Bart Simpson
56 Likes
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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple
42 Likes
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Texas, to be respected must be polite. Santa Anna living, can be of incalculable benefit to Texas; Santa Anna dead, would just be another dead Mexican.
Sam Houston
34 Likes
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You remind me of Santa in that you work about one day a year and spend the other 364 days judging.
Unknown
57 Likes
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Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Tom Armstrong
3 Likes
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Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts.
Unknown
8 Likes
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The quality of your Christmas gifts makes me wish Santa was real.
Unknown
18 Likes
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After my first semester in law school, I'm seriously considering suing Santa for breaking and entering. I hate the holidays...
Unknown
20 Likes
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