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George Carlin Pet Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "George Carlin Pet" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
George Carlin
5 Likes
Reason quotes
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
3 Likes
Movies quotes
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
George Carlin
5 Likes
Libraries quotes
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
1 Likes
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
5 Likes
Singers And Singing quotes
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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin
6 Likes
Restaurants quotes
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
10 Likes
Religion quotes
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
9 Likes
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
25 Likes
Funny Friendship quotes
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
21 Likes
Friendship quotes
Funny quotes
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When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
George Carlin
21 Likes
Children quotes
Death And Dying quotes
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Possibility quotes
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
George Carlin
10 Likes
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
280 Likes
Christian quotes
Funny quotes
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
5 Likes
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
10 Likes
Children quotes
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Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were having a swan. You get more stuffing.
George Carlin
4 Likes
Funny quotes
Thanksgiving quotes
I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?
George Carlin
13 Likes
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
George Carlin
61 Likes
Smile quotes
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
2 Likes
Belief quotes
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
George Carlin
3 Likes
Baseball quotes
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