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Unknown Funny Sarcast Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Unknown Funny Sarcast" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.
Unknown
281 Likes
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My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.
Unknown
509 Likes
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My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Unknown
2332 Likes
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When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"
Unknown
1346 Likes
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Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.
Unknown
376 Likes
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Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
Unknown
984 Likes
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Instead of cleaning my house, I just watched an episode of Hoarders. Now I don't feel so bad.
Unknown
98 Likes
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I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one ever said that she was a funny woman, she was just funny.
Rachel Dratch
2 Likes
My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.
Unknown
39 Likes
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I grew up doing musical theater. So, I was immediately attracted to the music and performance aspects of it. That fact that it's actually funny, not trying to be funny, but actually funny was appealing, too.
Chris Colfer
3 Likes
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A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.
Bobby Darin
1 Likes
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Unknown
52 Likes
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True love is waking up next to your partner and thinking Well, I could smother them with a pillow or make breakfast. Sigh. Pancakes it is.
Unknown
468 Likes
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Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there.
Andy Richter
5 Likes
Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.
Unknown
241 Likes
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I love yoga pants. Not only are they comfortable, but they make my butt look great.
Unknown
59 Likes
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When you don't have a good signal on your phone and you go all lion king on it.
Unknown
133 Likes
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My daughter's really into the Halloween spirit. She's been in her pregnant lady constume for months now.
Unknown
297 Likes
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My daughter said she's gonna be a hoe for Halloween. I think it's cute that she likes gardening.
Unknown
234 Likes
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When I exercise, I wear all black. It's like a funeral for my fat.
Unknown
137 Likes
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