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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
Mum comes in and says 'I'm working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked doing a dance.
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Teacher Retirement quotes
Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.
Sad Break Up
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