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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes & Sayings

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81 entries tagged including 37 subtopics.
Last updated Dec 2023

Rodney Dangerfield Topics

QUOTES

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

149 Likes

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I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't met me yet

Rodney Dangerfield

34 Likes

Hilarious quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of s... In fact, I just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

16 Likes

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

Rodney Dangerfield

32 Likes

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

35 Likes

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In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

Rodney Dangerfield

97 Likes

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Rodney Dangerfield

8 Likes

Halloween quotes

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Rodney Dangerfield

49 Likes

Boyfriend quotes

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

Rodney Dangerfield

13 Likes

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

19 Likes

Marriage quotes

Relationships quotes

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I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get

Rodney Dangerfield

7 Likes

Ugliness quotes

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet

Rodney Dangerfield

28 Likes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of s.. in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

17 Likes

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

Rodney Dangerfield

0 Likes

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

4 Likes

Drinking quotes

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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Rodney Dangerfield

7 Likes

Cheating quotes

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about

Rodney Dangerfield

3 Likes

Arguments quotes

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have s.. every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield

8 Likes

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

5 Likes

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Rodney Dangerfield

2 Likes

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