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My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
Mitch Hedberg
2 Likes
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
8 Likes
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I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...
Mitch Hedberg
19 Likes
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Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
30 Likes
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The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by laughing in the darkness.
Harry Levin
33 Likes
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Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework
Bill Cosby
285 Likes
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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
27 Likes
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Woody Allen
19 Likes
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I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'
Jerry Seinfield
6 Likes
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Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.
Robin Williams
8 Likes
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
163 Likes
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Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get to work with so many different people who come in to host the show and you get thrown into so many situations and learn how to think on your feet, so filmmaking actually feels slow, in a good way.
Will Ferrell
10 Likes
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I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially about listening. The way I approach comedy, is you have to commit to everything as if it's a dramatic role, meaning you play it straight.
Will Ferrell
7 Likes
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I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.
Brendan Fraser
3 Likes
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I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg
24 Likes
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My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
Mitch Hedberg
6 Likes
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Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
Bill Cosby
58 Likes
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Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework
Bill Cosby
114 Likes
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There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.
Vanna Bonta
69 Likes
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Woody Allen
134 Likes
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