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My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters. And then she'd turn them off.
Marty Cohen
25 Likes
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A woman came to ask the doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, 'Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.'
Gracie Allen
24 Likes
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The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose, and his mother's mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
Robert Benchley
13 Likes
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I think I'd be a good mother. Maybe a little overprotective. Like I would never let the kid out, of my body.
Wendy Liebman
10 Likes
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If it's five o'clock and the children are still alive, I've done my job.
Roseanne
17 Likes
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My friend Myron tells me, 'Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when Mom started to clean up, I said to her, 'Don't bother with those dishes, Mom. Today is Mother's Day, you can always do them tomorrow.'
Joey Adams
47 Likes
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An orgasm a day keeps the stress away...
Kevin McCarty
78 Likes
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Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Kiara Sellars
200 Likes
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A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Ritu Ghatourey
406 Likes
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Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation or would you like a demonstration?
Azgraybebly Josland
851 Likes
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Jokes are always better than promises. Because jokes are half meant, while promises are half lies.
Unknown
52 Likes
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If you think sex is a big pain in the ass, try different position.
Unknown
215 Likes
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Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.
Nishan Panwar
370 Likes
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If I hear another pancake joke I'm gonna flip.
Unknown
88 Likes
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You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Unknown
498 Likes
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Just because you say Swag in every other sentence doesn't mean you have it.
Unknown
514 Likes
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The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car... Is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Unknown
478 Likes
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Since today is Valentine's day, I was wondering if you'd like to go back to MySpace, so I can Twitter with your Yahoo, until I Google all over your Facebook and we can Instagram our date... ;) Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone!!
Unknown
495 Likes
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What is the best sexual position to create a gorgeous, charming absolutely attractive and cute baby?.... Ask my parents!
Unknown
201 Likes
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I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I am looking in the mirror!
Ash Sweeney
585 Likes
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