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Alan B Konis George Carlin Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Alan B Konis George Carlin" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
George Carlin
61 Likes
Smile quotes
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
8 Likes
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
George Carlin
8 Likes
Life quotes
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin
24 Likes
Moon quotes
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
145 Likes
Funny quotes
Weather quotes
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it
George Carlin
44 Likes
Suicide quotes
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
10 Likes
Truth quotes
I did stand-up. I loved George Carlin and Steve Martin.
Steve Buscemi
4 Likes
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
20 Likes
Money quotes
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
George Carlin
17 Likes
Medicine quotes
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
1 Likes
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
3 Likes
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fu...
George Carlin
76 Likes
Women quotes
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
67 Likes
Humorfunny quotes
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Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with
George Carlin
12 Likes
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Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with
George Carlin
2 Likes
Drugs quotes
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
6 Likes
The Religious Right dislikes both abortions and homos..uality. But who has fewer abortions than gays?
George Carlin
40 Likes
Funny Gay quotes
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
5 Likes
Authority quotes
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
28 Likes
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Electricity quotes
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