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Funny N High As Hell Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny N High As Hell" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
If you want a high performance woman, I can go from zero to b**** in less than 2.1 seconds.
Unknown
34 Likes
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I wasn't gonna run from the cops, but I was high. I was gonna pull right over and stop, but I was high. Now I am a paraplegic... and I know why.
Afroman
59 Likes
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Think of Jonathan Edwards who thundered the terrors of God and what Hell was like until men grasped their seats and hung on to them, fearing they were falling into Hell itself. Men were moved by fear to escape damnation. That was believed to be Christianity. Why any coward wanted to keep out of Hell. He might not have had one idea in his soul of what was the real true earmark of Christianity.
John G Lake
5 Likes
I was gonna pay my car note, until I got high. I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat, but then I got high. Now the tow truck is pulling away... and I know why.
Afroman
32 Likes
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If I had the choice between going to heaven or hell, but heaven didn't have wi-fi and hell did. I'd probably go to hell.
Unknown
22 Likes
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I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Garry Shandling
103 Likes
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I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!
Ronnie Shakes
32 Likes
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I used to go on auditions, not intending to be funny, but people would laugh, and it would throw me. I think there's just something weird about me. I'm just odd. Really, I didn't know who the hell I was for a long time. I'm only now just figuring it out.
Leslie Mann
5 Likes
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Unknown
134 Likes
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A Bachelors degree is the new high school diploma.
Unknown
19 Likes
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What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat.
Unknown
648 Likes
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The only difference between Hell and where I work is the fluorescent lighting.
Unknown
57 Likes
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It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell?
George Herbert
35 Likes
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How the hell should I know? Most of the people my age are dead. You could look it up.
Casey Stengel
16 Likes
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When I was in college I was an English major and my last year or so I tutored high school students in reading and writing. After I got into acting I said to myself, where does your real passion lie and if you do the teaching route will you say 'what if?' when you are 40 and regret that you didn't act. I thought, 'Hell yeah, I would regret it.'
Michael Ealy
32 Likes
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I was gonna clean my room, until I got high. I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high. My room is still messed up... and I know why.
Afroman
106 Likes
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NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
Unknown
53 Likes
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If my mom reads that I'm grammatically incorrect, I'll have hell to pay.
Larisa Oleynik
16 Likes
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They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fu..ing effort. There is a difference.
Bill Hicks
505 Likes
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I say my hell is the closet I'm stuck inside
Dave Matthews Band
7 Likes
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