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Goodnight Joke Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Goodnight Joke" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.
Scott Roeben
61 Likes
Funny quotes
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Be not affronted at a joke. If one throw salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou art raw.
Oliver Goldsmith
3 Likes
Jokes quotes
If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the number of people laughing by at least one.
Joe Harsel
35 Likes
Encouragement quotes
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What keeps me grounded is my friends and family and being able to joke around and have a sense of humor. They laugh at me about everything and I give it right back. Being able to have the sanctity of people you know and love and trust really makes you feel safe in this environment.
Leonardo DiCaprio
17 Likes
As a joke, I would love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell Got it! and then run away.
Hussein Nishah
75 Likes
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What I said about Pistons fans during halftime was a joke, nothing more. If I offended anyone, I'm sorry. Clearly, over the past 10 years, we in L.A. have taken a commanding lead in post-game riots. If the Lakers win, I plan to overturn my own car.
Jimmy Kimmel
0 Likes
The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.
Seann William Scott
11 Likes
I think Lady GaGa, as an artist you know, she's undeniable. That was one of them things where sometimes I get a joke in my head and I kinda want to share it with the world, you know what I'm saying. So it was just one of them things man, and it's, you know, it's all in fun, it's hip-hop.
Eminem
33 Likes
I always thought security was a joke at New York airports, and in U.S. airports to begin with. You can go through any European or Middle Eastern airport and things are a lot tougher.
Richard Drew
31 Likes
I had my electricity turned off three times because I never had time to pay my bills. It was a joke. I'm making a ton of money, and I'm walking around my apartment with flashlights.
Sherry Stringfield
1 Likes
Electricity quotes
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The moment you think of a joke is the best moment.
Judd Apatow
2 Likes
I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don't know, The Nanny... some people want to go home, turn on the TV and be able to iron their clothes or grab a sandwich. Come out and catch a joke and not have to follow the story.
Peter Krause
0 Likes
Men reach their s..ual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
6 Likes
Marriage quotes
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I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have to show how they cut off his head. If you don't, it's like telling a dir.. joke and leaving out the punch line.
Roman Polanski
4 Likes
I can't seem to filter myself ever. I used to say when I first started, the unspoken rule was 'no cancer, no AIDS.' But then I started going to hospices and I found that when people are in those kinds of dire situations, they want to hear the joke that is too far,
Kathy Griffin
3 Likes
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Showbiz sucks...it's ridiculous, it's funny and it's all a joke. There are more interesting things to talk about than my hair colour, who I am dating or how short my skirt is. Millions of children are dying in Africa and they are talking about that shit.
Joss Stone
2 Likes
People always joke that dog spells god backwards. They should consider that it might be the higher power coming down to see just how well they do, what kind of people they are. The animals are right here, right in front of us. And how we treat these companions is a test.
Linda Blair
5 Likes
Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I don't talk about it too much in the press is because it isn't funny, and I love to be funny in interviews. If you joke about that period in your life, it doesn't seem right.
Matthew Perry
5 Likes
Happiness starts with, one word. One joke. One text. One phone call. One song. One hug. One kiss. And stops with one mistake.
Anmol Andore
18 Likes
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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
Jack Handey
11 Likes
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