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Hilarious Christm Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Hilarious Christm" sorted by relevance. 124 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers
9 Likes
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May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac s.. scandal.
Unknown
16 Likes
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May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong II.
Unknown
30 Likes
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Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday party.
Unknown
2 Likes
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I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.
Unknown
17 Likes
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Here's hoping Santa doesn't get killed using Apple Maps this Christmas.
Unknown
50 Likes
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I know this is going to sound really cheesy, but I have the coolest dad in the entire world. My dad is hilarious. Hes also strong, smart and makes me feel like hes going to take care of everything. I think those are the qualities I look for in a boyfriend.
Lea Michele
9 Likes
Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents.
Unknown
32 Likes
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This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early.
Unknown
58 Likes
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Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus.
Unknown
14 Likes
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Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chambers of my brain -- Quaintest thoughts -- queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
Edgar Allan Poe
8 Likes
I haven't had s.. in so long I am considering becoming a born again virgin.
Ryan Swain
157 Likes
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Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have s.. with you until Christmas.
Unknown
32 Likes
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Laughter is wine for the soul-laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness. the hilarious declaration made by man that life is worth living.
Sean OCasey
3 Likes
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He's very immature, but he's hilarious. He's very annoying, but he makes me smile. He can be sensitive which makes me totally melt. He makes me yell. He gives me butterflies, can he tell? He drives me crazy and he's out of his own mind, but he's everything I want. No more. No less.
Unknown
146 Likes
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My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season.
Unknown
44 Likes
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Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chambers of my brain -- Quaintest thoughts -- queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
Edgar Allan Poe
25 Likes
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Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy Award. The next day, I got a call from a guy who said, 'Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious! She wants to be on your show!'. I said, 'Great!' I called publicity and said, 'Get the press release out immediately!' It went around the world. People said, 'Are you kidding me?! This will be fantastic! This will be like the Super Bowl'... and then Lindsay Lohan says none of this is happening.
David Letterman
6 Likes
The best boyfriend you'll have isn't the best looking, the funniest, or the richest. It's the one that makes you feel gorgeous, hilarious, and like a million dollars. He makes sure you know he loves you.
Unknown
546 Likes
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I used to like watching the Carol Burnett Show. I thought Carol Burnett was very funny. And I liked Madeline Kahn a lot because in my house we were watching a lot of Mel Brooks movies and she was always in them and super funny. And Gilda Radner. I used to like watching Saturday Night Live. I always thought that she was hilarious.
Paul Rudd
14 Likes
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