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Jack Handy Laughter Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jack Handy Laughter" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.
Jack Handy
25 Likes
Animals quotes
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If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness
Jack Handy
17 Likes
Weakness quotes
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Jack Handy
25 Likes
Love quotes
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.
Jack Handy
5 Likes
Money quotes
Weapons quotes
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
Jack Handy
6 Likes
Love quotes
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Laughter is a pleasant sound, it spreads joy all around Whether you're young or old, laughter can be like Magic to our souls, whenever we're feeling sad Laughter can sustain us so that things don't seem Quite so bad, if we give into laughter, it can be like A cure for something that seems impossible to endure So any time your spirits need a lift fill yourself With laughter and you will find, a much happier Person with a peaceful frame of mind.
Ritu Ghatourey
44 Likes
Laughter quotes
Happiness quotes
Cheering Up quotes
Peace Of Mind quotes
Cure quotes
Healing quotes
Uplifting quotes
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
Jack Handy
16 Likes
Danger quotes
Cowardice quotes
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Cowardice quotes
Danger quotes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Money quotes
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
Jack Handy
16 Likes
Love quotes
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It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live).
Jack Handy
18 Likes
Money quotes
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Jack Handy
13 Likes
Love quotes
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Funny quotes
Angels quotes
The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Drink quotes
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
Jack Handy
7 Likes
Books quotes
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He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Women quotes
And it's whispered that soon if we all call a tune, then the Piper will lead us to reason. And a new day will dawn for those who stand long, and the forests will echo with laughter. Does anybody remember laughter?
Led Zeppelin
7 Likes
Laughter quotes
And it's whispered that soon if we all call a tune, then the Piper will lead us to reason. And a new day will dawn for those who stand long, and the forests will echo with laughter. Does anybody remember laughter?
Led Zeppelin
7 Likes
Laughter quotes
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Jack Handy
8 Likes
Ambition quotes
I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
Money quotes
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