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Jokes Mitt Romney Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jokes Mitt Romney" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...I will find you. You have my Word.
Unknown
110 Likes
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If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
Milton Jones
245 Likes
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Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.
Mike Wilmot
89 Likes
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
84 Likes
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
47 Likes
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This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So... just batteries aren't included.
Kevin Sorbo
4 Likes
Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out.
Nikhil Saluja
226 Likes
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So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
Tommy Cooper
17 Likes
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So many people have no sense of humor, whatsoever! Everyone knows that it is my job to tell the jokes, that's what I do...so if you have thin skin, then I guess we won't be hanging out.
Kathy Griffin
1 Likes
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You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.
Hector Elizondo
0 Likes
My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters. And then she'd turn them off.
Marty Cohen
25 Likes
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Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.
Frank Muir
0 Likes
I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!
Unknown
294 Likes
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One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.
Duane G Carey
9 Likes
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The average GOP presidential vote in these last five elections was 44.5 percent. In the last three, it was 48.1 percent. Give Romney an extra point for voter disillusionment with Obama, and a half-point for being better financed than his predecessors. It still strikes me as a path to narrow defeat.
Bill Kristol
1 Likes
Obama's Plan = 'bi...es get stitches.' Romney's Plan = 'bi...es get stitches assuming that bi... can afford healthcare.'
Unknown
207 Likes
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I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
Jensen Ackles
19 Likes
If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made broccoli a lot more fun to hunt!
Unknown
74 Likes
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
152 Likes
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