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New Years George Carlin Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "New Years George Carlin" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
George Carlin
5 Likes
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The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin
23 Likes
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When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
George Carlin
5 Likes
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
1 Likes
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
5 Likes
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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin
6 Likes
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
10 Likes
Religion quotes
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
9 Likes
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
George Carlin
21 Likes
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
21 Likes
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
George Carlin
10 Likes
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
280 Likes
Christian quotes
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
25 Likes
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
5 Likes
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
10 Likes
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I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?
George Carlin
13 Likes
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
2 Likes
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
22 Likes
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Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
George Carlin
3 Likes
Baseball quotes
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
16 Likes
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