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Random Stupid Status And Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Random Stupid Status And Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
Unknown
3730 Likes
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Don't ever forget the 'L' if you ever Google, 'Grandfather Clock.'
Unknown
521 Likes
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May your daily meltdown be less public, drug-addled, and cartoonishly insane than Amanda Bynes's.
Unknown
29 Likes
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If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive...take her to the gas station.
Seth Rogen
570 Likes
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Telling someone their breath smells without hurting their feelings...'Well I'm bored, let's go brush our teeth!'
Unknown
619 Likes
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I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names...
Unknown
524 Likes
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown
20 Likes
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If I had to be any Kardashian sister, I would choose Bruce Jenner.
Unknown
61 Likes
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Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans...
Unknown
265 Likes
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If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping...
Unknown
479 Likes
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Best of luck not getting murdered by the roommate you found on Craigslist.
Unknown
55 Likes
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I hope the NSA is concerned about how often my mother calls me.
Unknown
42 Likes
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As I was filling up my gas tank I realized I didn't want to eat this week anyways.
Unknown
296 Likes
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I decided to burn some calories so I set a fat kid on fire.
Unknown
281 Likes
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Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady.
Unknown
47 Likes
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I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on the internet.
Unknown
57 Likes
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I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.
Jon Lajoie
412 Likes
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The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
Nikhil Saluja
487 Likes
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Somebody needs to start a restaurant called, 'Chick-Fil-Atheist' that's only open on Sunday.
Unknown
215 Likes
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At least my job description doesn't involve repairing the economy or being the new head football coach at Penn State.
Unknown
35 Likes
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