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QUOTES
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
61 Likes
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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
36 Likes
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
35 Likes
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings
345 Likes
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
16 Likes
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Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back
Unknown
33 Likes
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The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead
Robert Brault
35 Likes
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One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world
Proverb
100 Likes
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God's last name is not Dammit.
Unknown
156 Likes
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit
Bill Maher
66 Likes
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The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case
George W Bush
43 Likes
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It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames
Harry Hill
77 Likes
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain
Unknown
62 Likes
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Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine
Robert C Gallagher
35 Likes
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My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton
Chic Murray
42 Likes
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A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are
Chauncey Mitchell Depew
30 Likes
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Curve: The loveliest distance between two points
Mae West
62 Likes
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Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away
Laurence J Peter
78 Likes
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The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any
Fred Astaire
109 Likes
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Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes
Unknown
73 Likes
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