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Erma Bombeck Quotes & Sayings
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138 entries tagged including 76 subtopics.
Last updated Apr 2024
Erma Bombeck Topics
Dieting
Vacation
Children
Excess
Business
Gifts
Wisdom
Mind
Automobiles
Housework
Doctors
Office
Thanksgiving
Food
Sad Christmas
Direction
Theft
Bed
Death And Dying
Order
Show more
Cosmetics
Danger
Funerals
Fame
Animals
Gluttony
Funny
Women
Dreams
Lonely
Bravery
Success
God
Marriage
Family
Age
Humor
Laughter
Politics
Death
Parents
Television
Spontaneity
Books
Knowledge
Advice
Drink
Sex
Courage
QUOTES
Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill
Erma Bombeck
8 Likes
Funny quotes
Ski quotes
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People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Erma Bombeck
21 Likes
People quotes
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
18 Likes
Death And Dying quotes
Bed quotes
Order quotes
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
18 Likes
Motherhood quotes
Compassion quotes
Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
Erma Bombeck
7 Likes
Myths quotes
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As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am
Erma Bombeck
8 Likes
Mathematics quotes
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."
Erma Bombeck
9 Likes
Children quotes
Ideas quotes
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Humor quotes
Spontaneity quotes
Surprises quotes
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
Erma Bombeck
8 Likes
Housework quotes
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
3 Likes
Gossip quotes
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Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Erma Bombeck
6 Likes
Football quotes
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
17 Likes
Football quotes
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
3 Likes
Success quotes
Fame quotes
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
Erma Bombeck
3 Likes
Food quotes
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
Erma Bombeck
4 Likes
Food quotes
Children quotes
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Food quotes
Children quotes
Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!"
Erma Bombeck
9 Likes
Wisdom quotes
Food quotes
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice."
Erma Bombeck
17 Likes
Food quotes
I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Funerals quotes
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Funerals quotes
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