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Erma Bombeck Quotes & Sayings
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138 entries tagged including 76 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Erma Bombeck Topics
Dieting
Vacation
Children
Excess
Business
Gifts
Wisdom
Mind
Automobiles
Housework
Doctors
Office
Thanksgiving
Food
Sad Christmas
Direction
Theft
Bed
Death And Dying
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Courage
QUOTES
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
Erma Bombeck
12 Likes
Vacation quotes
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
5 Likes
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck
45 Likes
Funny quotes
Doctors quotes
Office quotes
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck
5 Likes
Housework quotes
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
3 Likes
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck
2 Likes
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Erma Bombeck
1 Likes
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
4 Likes
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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
1 Likes
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
Erma Bombeck
5 Likes
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck
5 Likes
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck
1 Likes
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
3 Likes
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
Erma Bombeck
3 Likes
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Erma Bombeck
8 Likes
I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
Erma Bombeck
1 Likes
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18 years.
Erma Bombeck
5 Likes
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
Erma Bombeck
4 Likes
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