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Carlin Retirement Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Carlin Retirement" sorted by relevance. 337 matching entries found.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
6 Likes
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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
7 Likes
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
George Carlin
44 Likes
God quotes
Funny Catholic quotes
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George Carlin
6 Likes
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
18 Likes
Addiction quotes
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
3 Likes
Humanity quotes
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
George Carlin
10 Likes
Humanity quotes
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
George Carlin
6 Likes
Smile quotes
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
George Carlin
24 Likes
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
11 Likes
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
4 Likes
Well, I'm kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should have all the drugs they want and there'd be nobody in charge, sort of like... now!
Paul Haggis
0 Likes
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
1 Likes
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
21 Likes
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
George Carlin
9 Likes
Movies quotes
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
George Carlin
5 Likes
Libraries quotes
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
George Carlin
5 Likes
Reason quotes
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin
23 Likes
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
3 Likes
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball
George Carlin
0 Likes
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