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Funny Christmas Shopping Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Christmas Shopping" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
JRR Tolkien
160 Likes
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The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other s.. s..ually, at any time of life. During twenty-three days in every month (in the absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman is seven years old till she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent. As competent as the candlestick is to receive the candle. Competent every day, competent every night. Also, she wants that candle yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it, as commanded by the law of God in her heart.
Mark Twain
17 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
98 Likes
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Theres good weird people and bad weird people. Good weird people are funny but the bad weird people are the ones you see wearing capes around.
Unknown
3 Likes
There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
17 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
23 Likes
Winning quotes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
24 Likes
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When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a friends Facebook account: 'I LOVE D*CK IN MY MOUTH!'
Unknown
843 Likes
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This year, I'm just making one New Year's resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
Unknown
23 Likes
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10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this. 2. You're realizing this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped three. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it's stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped eight. 10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts.
Unknown
248 Likes
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I sleep to much, Parents complain. Don't get enough sleep, Parents complain. I eat too much, Parents complain. I don't eat enough, Parents complain. I m always in my room, Parents complain. I go out too much, Parents complain. I CAN'T WIN!
Unknown
244 Likes
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I liked The DaVinci Code. It just had the concept. The core element of the concept of the book deals with whether or not Jesus had relatives and how they had to hide in these paintings every connection that came or might have led back to Jesus, and its crazy to me that they do shit like that. Is it because Jesus really aint no white boy and hes black? The Old Testament describes him as a black man. The New Testament, the King James version, is some ol funny-style shit. Just for the record, King James was, from my understanding, a homos..ual. I dont knock that, I just dont live by that. I follow the Old Testament.
Busta Rhymes
5 Likes
The grass is green, The sky is blue you fu..ed up on me, so now fu.. you you cheated & lied, I suffered & cried i guess to you this was all a game cuz it turns out we didnt feel the same times passing & I'm healing its funny how the tables turn cuz now its me who has you kneeling, begging for forgiveness & God is my witness. i loved you so much & I gotta admit at times I do miss your touch too bad you will always regret & I will never forget, all this pain you caused me is the reason you lost me but I know ill be ok i just hope one day you'll pay you should have thought about the consequences before cuz I dont want anything to do with you anymore
Patricia
274 Likes
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Unknown
8 Likes
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There are plenty of teams in every sport that have great players and never win titles. Most of the time, those players aren't willing to sacrifice for the greater good of the team. The funny thing is, in the end, their unwillingness to sacrifice only makes individual goals more difficult to achieve. One thing I believe to the fullest is that if you think and achieve as a team, the individual accolades will take care of themselves. Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
Michael Jordan
37 Likes
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A Friend Like You. A friend like you is like no other friend. A friend like you is a friend I don't regret meeting. A friend like you is like a friend I cant scream at or fight with. A friend like you is like having no worries in my life. A friend like you is a friend that I don't want to lose. A friend like you is like being in comfort all day. A friend like you is a friend I always wanted. A friend like you is awesomely, awesome. A friend like you is random and funny. A friend like you is a friend that I love to death and I will never let go. A friend like you is a friend I can tell all my secrets to. A friend like you... A friend like you is like the little sister I've always wanted. A friend that I can go to to tell them whats wrong. A friend like you is like having no dark days because you brighten them up. A friend like you is a friend that opens up my eyes and helps me avoid bad things. A friend like you is a type of friend that laughs at dumb things I say or do. A friend like you is a friend I am proud to call my best friend...
Unknown
541 Likes
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From time to time, life as a leader can look hopeless. To help you, consider a man who lived through this: Failed in business at age 31. Defeated for the legislature at 32. Again failed in business at 34. Sweetheart died at 35. Had a nervous breakdown at 36. Defeated in election at 38. Defeated for Congress at 43. Defeated for Congress at 46. Defeated for Congress at 48. Defeated for Senate at 55. Defeated for Vice President at 56. Defeated for Senate at 58. Elected President at age 60. This man was Abraham Lincoln.
Unknown
24 Likes
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All sincere boys fall in love with stupid girls, all sincere girls fall in love with stupid boys, I am neither stupid nor sincere, that's why I am 'SINGLE'.
Abhishek Tiwari
490 Likes
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Being on tour together and being constantly with the same few people means we now think the same things are funny, we have inside jokes and stuff. Musically there are bands we all love to listen to: Bloc Party being one of them. There arent many we agree on. Greenday, 311, RHCP rock/funk got me wanting to be in a band in the first place. Disashi comes from a very rock background and hes really into Jimi Hendrix which I think shines through on his guitar solos on ACASC. Our bass player is into a lot of reggae. Travis is all over the place with singing and rapping this is the first album he sings complete songs rather than rapping a little in them. There were tracks where we were like, where do we fit in the rap part? and it didnt feel right to put one in. It wasnt a conscious movement away from rap, we made that decision to suit the songs.
Gym Class Heroes
7 Likes
I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fu.. would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fu..in' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bi...: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!
Mitch Hedberg
16 Likes
Funny quotes
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