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Lifes Too Short Funny Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Lifes Too Short Funny Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Want to hear the joke about the vacuum? Nevermind...It sucks.
Unknown
204 Likes
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In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day's long.
Pope Paul VI
54 Likes
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I hope one of your New Year's resolutions is to stop tagging me in New Year's photos.
Unknown
39 Likes
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My resolution is to spend less time working which means you'll have to work more.
Unknown
8 Likes
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My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.
Unknown
25 Likes
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A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair.
Unknown
135 Likes
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I just made Romney noodles Obama self.
Unknown
123 Likes
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I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
Jack Benny
303 Likes
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I just tripped over my sister's bras. I guess it was a booby trap.
Unknown
155 Likes
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For my new year's resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
Unknown
20 Likes
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Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.
Unknown
8 Likes
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My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
Unknown
21 Likes
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Funny is funny is funny.
Bob Newhart
0 Likes
I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget.
Unknown
2887 Likes
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What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.
Unknown
208 Likes
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No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.
Unknown
2505 Likes
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Wanna hear a joke about my pe..s? Never mind, it's too long.
Unknown
3462 Likes
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Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
Unknown
224 Likes
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I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, 'Hey let me tell you a joke.'
Paul Feig
6 Likes
My excuses for already failing my New Year's resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
Unknown
22 Likes
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