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Daniel Tosh Quotes & Sayings
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42 entries tagged including 11 subtopics.
Last updated May 2024
Daniel Tosh Topics
Celebrity
Faults
Funny
School
Husbands
Relatives
Television
Books
Humor
Writing
QUOTES
If you have ever typed 'sorry not sorry' I hope you die...not sorry.
Daniel Tosh
12 Likes
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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
Daniel Tosh
14 Likes
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Daniel Tosh
65 Likes
Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet.
Daniel Tosh
81 Likes
Funny quotes
Writing quotes
Books quotes
Humor quotes
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a 2nd chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Daniel Tosh
36 Likes
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Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.
Daniel Tosh
28 Likes
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
Daniel Tosh
49 Likes
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
Daniel Tosh
35 Likes
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Daniel Tosh
41 Likes
Television quotes
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
Daniel Tosh
38 Likes
Relatives quotes
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No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.
Daniel Tosh
132 Likes
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Daniel Tosh
48 Likes
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
Daniel Tosh
64 Likes
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Daniel Tosh
68 Likes
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Daniel Tosh
45 Likes
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Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Daniel Tosh
31 Likes
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.
Daniel Tosh
36 Likes
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Daniel Tosh
86 Likes
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Daniel Tosh
83 Likes
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
Daniel Tosh
43 Likes
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