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Funny Facebook Status Tha Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook Status Tha" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Thanks for inviting me to your baby shower, it reminded me to take my birth control pill.
Unknown
205 Likes
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I hate you but you were always there for me to not make me look ridiculous. I appreciate what you did for me. Thank You Auto-Correct.
Unknown
149 Likes
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Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Unknown
327 Likes
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
617 Likes
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Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.
Unknown
589 Likes
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Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls.
Unknown
693 Likes
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I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits so when you add someone it'll say 'You are now friends with benefits!'
Unknown
639 Likes
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Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.
Unknown
473 Likes
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I get super paranoid whenever I walk into a store with something that they sell there...
Unknown
37 Likes
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
Unknown
705 Likes
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I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
Unknown
764 Likes
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I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you get in here?
Nikhil Saluja
208 Likes
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I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.
Nikhil Saluja
277 Likes
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Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
Unknown
841 Likes
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I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.
Unknown
168 Likes
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My stupid GPS can't find Rack City. bi....
Unknown
465 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.'
Unknown
722 Likes
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Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to deal with.
Unknown
567 Likes
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Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the menu.
Unknown
306 Likes
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Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
Unknown
220 Likes
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