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Funny Fb Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Fb Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I have to continue reminding myself that it's Halloween so I can't rely on my instincts to shoot zombies in the head.
Unknown
120 Likes
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I wonder what the blood alcohol level is of all these mosquitos that keep biting me?
Unknown
372 Likes
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When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please. I tell them no because it's shorter than yes .
Unknown
357 Likes
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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'
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Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty sho...
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Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens.
Unknown
660 Likes
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Some people are really going all out for Halloween. The guy driving behind me even got sirens & flashing lights to go with his cop costume.
Unknown
355 Likes
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I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash.
Unknown
561 Likes
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The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that its my cellphone.
Unknown
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Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
Unknown
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Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....
Unknown
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Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your Balls.
Unknown
316 Likes
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Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
Unknown
1171 Likes
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I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they call, I always say I'll be there in 5 minutes.
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I was using Facebook hashtags before they worked.
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The hardest part of a business, is minding your own.
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Hey Vegetarians, my food shits on your food.
Unknown
348 Likes
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Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
Zariahh Renee
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My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'
Unknown
282 Likes
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Dear people who update their Facebook status every 30 seconds, there's Twitter for a reason!
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