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Funny Humorous Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Humorous Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
Unknown
50 Likes
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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you??
Nishan Panwar
504 Likes
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'Lehme gedda uh' = I would like to order something from your fine establishment, but I have to make up my mind first.
Unknown
180 Likes
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I'm the kind of person who would come out of the gym...And go straight to McDonalds.
Unknown
157 Likes
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I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr.
Unknown
303 Likes
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Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Will Ferrell
1343 Likes
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Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fu..ing blue.
Unknown
441 Likes
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You traded in your iPhone 4 for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.
Hussein Nishah
443 Likes
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Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.
Unknown
707 Likes
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When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Jorge Armenta
428 Likes
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Call Of Duty will really have a guy thinking about joining the army...then you realize how many times you died.
Unknown
326 Likes
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Welcome to 2012: Presidents are black, rappers are white, and asians play basketball.
Unknown
340 Likes
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No officer, I didn't see you in my rear view...my eyes haven't left my phone for at least the past 5 miles...
Unknown
100 Likes
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If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be 'Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics.'
Hussein Nishah
123 Likes
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Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money?! This number is no longer in service...
Unknown
835 Likes
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It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's 2 months from December and no one gives a shit.
Unknown
101 Likes
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I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Unknown
2862 Likes
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They should make a reality TV show called, 'Jersey Shore meets Shark Week.'
Unknown
155 Likes
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The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
Zach Manal
320 Likes
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At the store buying 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, 'Make it 52.'
Unknown
519 Likes
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