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Humorous Quotes & Sayings

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People fear what they don't understand: Change, Death, 4th grade math word problems. . .

19 Likes

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The practice of putting women on pedestrals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there

144 Likes

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A wise man once told me, no matter how HOT she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her.

307 Likes

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Whenever faced with a difficult situation,try and find some humor in it.

26 Likes

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If someone throws a stone at you. Throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.

Anurag Prakash Ray

554 Likes

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You will never realize how wired your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

228 Likes

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Newtons third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!

144 Likes

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Fathers should teach their sons how to earn money because mothers teach their daughters how to spend it.

445 Likes

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Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

311 Likes

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Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.

25 Likes

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Thanks for helping me learn from your mistakes with men.

23 Likes

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Have a happy Mother's Day before your kids reach an age when they're completely jaded about Mother's Day.

19 Likes

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Thanks for helping me resolve the childhood issues you caused.

24 Likes

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My Mother's Day gift to you is not deleting the embarrassing comments you make on my Facebook Wall.

49 Likes

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You've always been a great mom because of your patience, sense of humor, and fondness for daytime drinking.

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I love you slightly more than I love dad.

44 Likes

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Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV.

23 Likes

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Let's set aside time this Mother's Day to mock the disintegrating sex lives of our friends with children.

25 Likes

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Thanks for not putting me up for adoption unless you're not really my mom...

16 Likes

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I'd have made you breakfast in bed if you'd taught me how to cook.

27 Likes

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