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Funny Unknown Joke Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Unknown Joke" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Men reach their s..ual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
6 Likes
Marriage quotes
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After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'
Aziz Ansari
2 Likes
Showbiz sucks...it's ridiculous, it's funny and it's all a joke. There are more interesting things to talk about than my hair colour, who I am dating or how short my skirt is. Millions of children are dying in Africa and they are talking about that shit.
Joss Stone
2 Likes
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
Jack Handey
11 Likes
Love quotes
If being broke is a joke then you a funny ni....
Unknown
90 Likes
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If it tastes funny, don't eat it. If it looks funny, call a doctor. If it is funny, it must have been something I said.
Unknown
189 Likes
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My joke, which isn't really a joke, is that there will be one of two tours: the tour for the album that does well, or the tour for the album that stiffs.
Richard Marx
0 Likes
If someone in a work environment says a racist joke, I'm the kind of person who says, 'I'm sorry, I don't find that funny, and I'd appreciate if you don't tell those kinds of jokes when I'm around.' And you can be looked at as, 'Wow, he's the bummer in the party.' But I just don't go for that.
David Schwimmer
9 Likes
Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
David Zucker
0 Likes
Laughter brings you to reality as it is. The world is a play of God, a cosmic joke. And unless you understand it as a cosmic joke you will never be able to understand the ultimate mystery.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
2 Likes
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It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
Bob Saget
7 Likes
Domestic violence is not a joke...Ever.
Unknown
35 Likes
I mean, first and foremost were just trying to make the best product we can and the internet becomes sort of a secondary thing. If a certain joke or scene picks up on the internet and takes off thats great. Although we never want someone to just get one scene or joke out of context. But sometimes well do a little short video or something for the internet hoping that that goes around just to stir up a little buzz for the show. But you know the internet is just a nice bonus to getting the show out.
Charlie Day
11 Likes
If you appreciate the value of life, you dont joke about death.
Unknown
3 Likes
This is an inside joke and your on the outside!
Unknown
14 Likes
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
Mitch Hedberg
2 Likes
Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.
Unknown
7 Likes
Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy Award. The next day, I got a call from a guy who said, 'Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious! She wants to be on your show!'. I said, 'Great!' I called publicity and said, 'Get the press release out immediately!' It went around the world. People said, 'Are you kidding me?! This will be fantastic! This will be like the Super Bowl'... and then Lindsay Lohan says none of this is happening.
David Letterman
6 Likes
A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Jack Handey
10 Likes
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Laughing at your own joke so hard that you can barely tell it.
Unknown
56 Likes
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