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Funny Weekend Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Weekend Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
Unknown
558 Likes
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I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage.
Unknown
479 Likes
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CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Unknown
305 Likes
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I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me.....Wait.....
Unknown
573 Likes
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My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch."
Unknown
1197 Likes
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Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop being so homophobic.
Unknown
662 Likes
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Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! fu.. Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!
Unknown
706 Likes
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That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off.
Unknown
436 Likes
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If the professor doesn't show up to class in the first 15 minutes, you get to leave. Somebody make that a law, please.
Unknown
121 Likes
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Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, then that's not going to happen.
Unknown
198 Likes
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Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!
Unknown
1488 Likes
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I don't understand those couples that fight and then a minute later change their Facebook status to 'Single.' I fight with my parents but you dont see me change my status to 'Orphan.'
Unknown
938 Likes
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Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
Unknown
50 Likes
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I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr.
Unknown
303 Likes
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When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Jorge Armenta
428 Likes
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Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.
Unknown
707 Likes
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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you??
Nishan Panwar
504 Likes
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'Lehme gedda uh' = I would like to order something from your fine establishment, but I have to make up my mind first.
Unknown
180 Likes
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Good choice putting $4,000 rims on your 1998 Honda Civic. That's like Betty White going out and getting her tits done.
Unknown
476 Likes
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You traded in your iPhone 4 for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.
Hussein Nishah
443 Likes
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