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Hilarious News Headline Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Hilarious News Headline" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
My son thinks I'm hilarious, but he's only 1.
Mackenzie Crook
2 Likes
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We were the guys on the other side. It was hilarious.
David Steinberg
0 Likes
Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers
16 Likes
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I wish Santa was a one percenter.
Unknown
0 Likes
Hilarious Christmas quotes
I'm going to regift something special for you.
Unknown
0 Likes
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Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!
Anne Frank
12 Likes
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So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' ab
Bill Hicks
19 Likes
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So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' ab
Bill Hicks
18 Likes
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Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.
Unknown
7 Likes
When quiet people talk and you realize they are absolutely hilarious.
Unknown
17 Likes
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But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.
Jon Stewart
6 Likes
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Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry.
Unknown
19 Likes
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No matter how old I get, I think mooning people will always be hilarious.
Unknown
35 Likes
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That awkward moment when you're telling your friend something hilarious and they are just like, 'You already told me...'
Unknown
140 Likes
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The four most important words in any marriage...'Ill do the dishes.'
Unknown
10 Likes
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You're a hard person to half-assedly shop for.
Unknown
1 Likes
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Let's celebrate the birth of Jesus by going out for Chinese food.
Unknown
7 Likes
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I'm not getting you a holiday present because I know you don't like writing thank-you notes.
Unknown
0 Likes
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Flying is simple; just throw yourself on the ground and miss.
Unknown
19 Likes
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May this be the year your significant other gives you a better gift than your Secret Santa does.
Unknown
4 Likes
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