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Joan Rivers On Turning 50 Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Joan Rivers On Turning 50" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
4 Likes
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
Being A Woman quotes
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
12 Likes
Funny quotes
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Joan Rivers
14 Likes
Sex quotes
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She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.
Joan Rivers
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Putdowns quotes
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
5 Likes
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
33 Likes
Funny quotes
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
Lying about having work done is such a put-down to women. It says to the average woman: 'I'm beautifully naturally and you're not.'
Joan Rivers
8 Likes
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I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
5 Likes
Exercise quotes
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
0 Likes
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
12 Likes
Funny quotes
Religious quotes
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
8 Likes
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
5 Likes
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When I first got pregnant, I freaked out. Then I had to remind myself: I'm turning 30.
Melissa Joan Hart
1 Likes
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
7 Likes
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
16 Likes
Men And Women quotes
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
2 Likes
Don't tell your kids that you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say 'Melissa, you ripped me to shreds', now go back to sleep.
Joan Rivers
6 Likes
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