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Steven Wright Dictionar Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Steven Wright Dictionar" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
6 Likes
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I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Steven Wright
2 Likes
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
Steven Wright
18 Likes
Swimming quotes
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
Steven Wright
1 Likes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
5 Likes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Steven Wright
0 Likes
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
5 Likes
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright
2 Likes
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
0 Likes
The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
54 Likes
Shit Happens quotes
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
0 Likes
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If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
Steven Wright
3 Likes
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
3 Likes
Bankers And Banks quotes
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
461 Likes
Funny quotes
Sarcastic quotes
Jokes quotes
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
Steven Wright
2 Likes
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