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Steven Wright Millionen Wright Million Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Steven Wright Millionen Wright Million" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
0 Likes
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
Steven Wright
4 Likes
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I said No, I made a few mistakes.
Steven Wright
16 Likes
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
41 Likes
Funny quotes
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I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
8 Likes
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
0 Likes
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
1 Likes
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
27 Likes
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I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright
81 Likes
Funny quotes
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Steven Wright
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Wisdom quotes
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
72 Likes
Funny quotes
Jokes quotes
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
8 Likes
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
1 Likes
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
18 Likes
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
47 Likes
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
6 Likes
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