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Buy condoms & when the cashier asks do you need a bag? Just say, No she isn't that ugly!
Unknown
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Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake...After three days of pain and agony.....the rattle snake died.
Unknown
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Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people.
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If Big Sean's voice was Siri's Voice on the iPhone 5...'Turn left boiiii...Wait, HOLD UP! Whoa Dereee! Wrong way! Swerveeeee.'
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*Missed a call* Then you call back, but they don't answer. What? Did they die within 5 seconds?
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There are two types of people in this world, people who masturbate and liars.
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Welcome to 2012: Presidents are black, rappers are white, and asians play basketball.
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This Saturday has been sponsored by Tylenol and Jack Daniels.
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My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'
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If she thinks 69 is just a number, she's too young for you bro.
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Oh sorry, I couldn't hear you over the imaginary sex I was having with you in my head.
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That awkward moment when a black kid asks you to pass the skin colored crayon.
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Home alone; Thoughts = Party!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!! Reality = Peeing with door open...
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The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection.
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I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms.
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Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your Balls.
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They should make a reality TV show called, 'Jersey Shore meets Shark Week.'
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Ever had sex while camping? It's fu..ing in tents.
Unknown
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Ghetto people always naming their kids after stuff they cant afford; Mercedes, Bentley, Pearl, Child support.
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686 Likes
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If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, its one of two things, either a new girl, or a new car!
Jorge Armenta
661 Likes
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