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Dave Allen Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Dave Allen Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Forgiveness is a funny thing, it warms the hearts and cools the sting.
Peter Allen
37 Likes
Forgiveness quotes
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
30 Likes
Funny quotes
How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
8 Likes
Funny quotes
God quotes
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
5 Likes
Funny quotes
God quotes
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Woody Allen
12 Likes
Funny quotes
God quotes
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Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission
Fred Allen
1 Likes
Funny quotes
Advertising quotes
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Gracie Allen
122 Likes
Funny quotes
Teacher quotes
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Gracie Allen
87 Likes
Funny quotes
School quotes
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen
60 Likes
Funny quotes
Women quotes
I printed a list of Irish names from the Internet and my husband, Dave, saw Finley on the list. I really liked it but didn't want to scare Dave off with my enthusiasm. So I used a little reverse psychology and let him think it was his idea.
Holly Marie Combs
5 Likes
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I think that the episodes are like mini horror films really; the characters make bad decisions early on and these things just snowball for them and get worse and worse. And that's what I find funny.
Dave Rowntree
0 Likes
The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
34 Likes
Funny quotes
Winter quotes
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
Woody Allen
219 Likes
Funny quotes
Parents quotes
It's Friday bi...es! Lets Get fu..ed Up!
Dave Chappelle
123 Likes
Happy Friday quotes
Funny Friday quotes
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as s.., eye color, age and Social Security number.
Dave Barry
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Age quotes
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Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.
Bob Saget
1 Likes
I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.
Dave Attell
10 Likes
Funny quotes
Dating quotes
What if Woody Allen called me and said, I'm working on this movie and there's a really divine role for you. We want exactly you! It would be such a fantasy. Forget it! My idol, Woody Allen!
Isaac Mizrahi
0 Likes
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
26 Likes
Communication quotes
Funny quotes
Internet quotes
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
99 Likes
Food quotes
Funny quotes
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