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Dead Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Dead Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
26 Likes
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I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn
28 Likes
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Let's face it, comedy's a dead art form. Tragedy, now that's funny.
Bender (The Cartoon Character)
8 Likes
My vanity is not dead. I laugh when I see pictures of myself as I am now-maybe so I won't cry, but just because it is really funny how much I've changed.
Michael Zaslow
1 Likes
The only completely consistent people are the dead.
Aldous Huxley
11 Likes
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I wish I was resurrected from the dead on Sunday so I had an excuse for taking off work on Monday
Unknown
47 Likes
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He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.
Voltaire
14 Likes
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I wonder if Jesus will make a special appearance on The Walking Dead this Sunday.
Unknown
56 Likes
Funny Easter quotes
I kept hearing that metal is dead and Ozzy's dead and people that like Ozzy are dead. I have never had an empty seat. I've always sold out, so who's saying it's all over?
Ozzy Osbourne
3 Likes
The roses have wilted, The violets are dead, Sugar is lumpy And so is your head.
Unknown
112 Likes
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He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.
Voltaire
6 Likes
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It's so funny, because right now I'm very tired and my brains a little dead, I tend to get very focused and serious. So, I'm probably coming off a lot more like Scully right now.
Gillian Anderson
6 Likes
A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date.
Unknown
52 Likes
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Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing, grab a shovel, and follow you.
Unknown
8 Likes
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When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.
Unknown
436 Likes
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
David Letterman
2 Likes
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Nikhil Saluja
79 Likes
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CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Unknown
305 Likes
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The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead
Robert Brault
35 Likes
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The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
Dennis Miller
41 Likes
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