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Funny Cold Weather Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Cold Weather Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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That awkward moment when people start stuff on your Facebook status and you just don't want to get involved.
Unknown
154 Likes
Funny quotes
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There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
Unknown
524 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent...
Unknown
459 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Sometimes I walk through the baby aisle at the grocery store as a reminder to always use a condom.
Unknown
481 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
Unknown
434 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Got in a wreck with a smart car today, its totaled. My bike is fine though.
Unknown
308 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I last longer than Obamacare call center wait times.
Unknown
310 Likes
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hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm 4 months pregnant, and its your baby .
Carlos Banks
190 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Hi, I'm a shower. If you turn me on, I'll make you wet.
Mickey Anderson
230 Likes
Clever Facebook Status quotes
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I'm glad there will be an iPhone that's affordable to the sweatshop workers who make iPhones.
Unknown
39 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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Hope you're feeling okay after being s..ually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.
Unknown
67 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Wanna hear a joke about my pe..s? Never mind, it's too long.
Unknown
3462 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
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The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop...
Unknown
576 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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Liking your own status, is like high-fiving yourself in public...
Unknown
201 Likes
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I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings and so on, so on, you get it.
Unknown
291 Likes
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Sorry your decision to quietly change your relationship status was broadcast to every single one of your Facebook friends.
Unknown
13 Likes
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If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard.
Unknown
775 Likes
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When you're putting on jeans with holes and your foot goes through the hole.
Unknown
72 Likes
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I hate that feeling when everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm awkwardly sitting there like...I love my dog.
Unknown
397 Likes
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