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Funny Old People Joke Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Old People Joke" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Men reach their s..ual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
6 Likes
Marriage quotes
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After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'
Aziz Ansari
2 Likes
Showbiz sucks...it's ridiculous, it's funny and it's all a joke. There are more interesting things to talk about than my hair colour, who I am dating or how short my skirt is. Millions of children are dying in Africa and they are talking about that shit.
Joss Stone
2 Likes
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
Jack Handey
11 Likes
Love quotes
Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.
Matt Groening
0 Likes
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Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.
Unknown
7 Likes
I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was a long time ago. Artists aren't always seen as real people. If you start out as a teenager, sometimes people want to keep you locked as that. But I'm a woman now.
Jody Watley
1 Likes
I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.
Dave Chappelle
12 Likes
I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies.
Rahm Emanuel
0 Likes
Sorry the calendar played a cruel joke on you this year by making your birthday fall on a Monday.
Unknown
257 Likes
Funny quotes
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My joke, which isn't really a joke, is that there will be one of two tours: the tour for the album that does well, or the tour for the album that stiffs.
Richard Marx
0 Likes
If someone in a work environment says a racist joke, I'm the kind of person who says, 'I'm sorry, I don't find that funny, and I'd appreciate if you don't tell those kinds of jokes when I'm around.' And you can be looked at as, 'Wow, he's the bummer in the party.' But I just don't go for that.
David Schwimmer
9 Likes
Some people say I'm all washed up. Joke's on them, I haven't bathed in weeks.
Spencer Pratt
0 Likes
Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
David Zucker
0 Likes
Laughter brings you to reality as it is. The world is a play of God, a cosmic joke. And unless you understand it as a cosmic joke you will never be able to understand the ultimate mystery.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
2 Likes
Laughter quotes
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It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
Bob Saget
7 Likes
Let's joke about how depressing Monday is to distract us from how depressing every day is.
Unknown
30 Likes
Funny quotes
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We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.
Brendon Urie
20 Likes
It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
Unknown
363 Likes
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I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.
Slavoj Zizek
4 Likes
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