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Funny Status Downloads Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Status Downloads" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
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1931 Likes
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Ghetto Olympics: On your MARK.....Get SET........TWERK!
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306 Likes
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I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at work just to use it.
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415 Likes
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One of the scariest things ever is flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down.
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200 Likes
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Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.
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455 Likes
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Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a 'seriously?' option in the reply.
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308 Likes
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a Nickelback concert?
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234 Likes
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Today is national animal day. Please take a moment to remember your ex.
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502 Likes
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Dont be a racist. Be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber; created by Japanese people, who speak English and look like Mexicans.
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253 Likes
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A pe..s has a rough life. His hair always looks a mess, he stays next to an asshole, his family is nuts, his best friends are pussies and his owner is always beating him.
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455 Likes
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?'
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378 Likes
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Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible!
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354 Likes
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If the world doesnt end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on September 20th, 2013.
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2396 Likes
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If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'
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1326 Likes
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I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day I got another one for the other side of the bed.
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298 Likes
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Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.
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434 Likes
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When someone says expect the unexpected, slap them and say I bet you didn't expect that!
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441 Likes
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Buy condoms & when the cashier asks do you need a bag? Just say, No she isn't that ugly!
Unknown
335 Likes
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If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer.
Unknown
3497 Likes
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Tuesday isn't so bad...It's a sign that I've somehow survived Monday.
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122 Likes
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